10 Foods To Eat Before A Man Dies: Another Men's Health List

I love Men's Health Magazine.  I really do.  One of the reasons is the unending entertainment I get from their email updates.  A recent one included the ten things I have to eat before I die.  Let us review...

1. Steak Tartare.
     I agree.  I have had it.  I loved it.  Of course, it was at "21" so how bad could it be?

2. A Lobster You Kill Yourself.
     Really?  Not happening.  I admit it.  I used to hunt but now I am just a hypocrite.  I have no problem consuming any quantity of game that is killed by others but I am just not looking it in the eye and doing it myself.  In my kitchen.  Particularly with the well-documented sound track associated with this event.  I was at someone's home one time when they did this and it was horrid.  Were it not for the copious quantity of very good Champagne involved it would have put me off my feed.

3. A Homegrown Tomato.
     Check.  Marvelous. Especially when not grown at YOUR home.  That effort involves dirt.  Fertilizers.  Bugs. Bugs that eat tomatos.  Praying for rain.  Etc.

4.  An In-N-Out Hamburger.
     What?  Never heard of it.  Apparently some kind of chain joint.  I like to make hamburgers myself.  After someone else does the dirtywork.  If I want to put a chain joint burger on my bucket list I'll just go have a Whataburger.

5.  Handmade Pasta.
     Check.  Really good.  I'll bet it is really, really good if Giada Delorentiis makes it for me.  I know, I'll put "pasta made by Giada Delorentiis' hands" on my bucket list.

6.  Escargot.
     I am reserving judgment on this.  The only snails I have ever seen are of the Southern [U.S.] Appalachian variety.  Which look realllllllly slippery to me.  And slimy.  But, I am headed to Paris soon [have I mentioned that?].  And as a classic Burgundian dish, I am going to give it a try.

7.  Bone Marrow.
     See 5, above.  I will try it when I see it on a Parisian menu.  I will say, marrow bones have a long-documeted history of excellence.

8.  Kumamoto Oysters.
     They may be good.  Even great.  But when the MH writer says "nothing like the bland, flabby Gulf Coast oysters you are used to..." I shut it down.  The MH writer can you know what to my flabby, bland Gulf Coast you know what.

9.  Wedge Of Iceberg Lettuce With "Blue" Cheese Dressing.
     Check.  Excellent.  Really so when Giada crumbles bacon strips over it and........
Seriously, if you want to go Old School with this, try Green Goddess.  Then the hand crumbled bacon.  Dream-like.

10.  Natto.
     The MH list for this fermented bean item contains the following words:
    
     "smelly-as-all-hell"

     "until they take on a froth"

     "mucosal-like strings"

     "gross, yes"

     "heady aftertaste"

Anthony Bourdain described eating Natto as akin to "eating out of the spit cup at the dentist".

No way I am eating this.  Ever.  It should be on the next MH list.  The list of "Ten Things To Eat To Make You Die".  Where do they get these writers, anyhow?

Leaving the MH list, I submit for your approval The Epic list of things you "must" eat before you die...

1.  A Chicago hot dog from Poochie's in Skokie.

2.  Tournados Rossini.

3.  Fresh Rainbow Trout cooked streamside by your dad with a lot of butter.

4.  Anything at Le Veau D'Or in New York.

5.  Lobster poached in butter from Cafe 30A in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida.  With good Champagne or their excellent white Bordeaux.

8.  Expensive caviar.  With good Champagne.

9.  A pulled duck sandwich from One Flew South in the Atlanta airport.

10.  As the late, great Chef Justin Wilson would say......anything you dang well want, you!!

Here's to a gastronomic 2012 that perfectly suits each of us!  No matter what the list makers say.